i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
