How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
