If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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