Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
