Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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