Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
