When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
