I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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