Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
