I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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