you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
