You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
