yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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