When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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