I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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