This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
