literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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