How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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