Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
