Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
