Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
