Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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