I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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