He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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