dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
