my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Say something about gay babies.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
