im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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