I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
