I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
