a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
