What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
