I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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