I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
