Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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