Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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