life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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