im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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