i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
