I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
