dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
