I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
