Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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