so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
