Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
