His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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