Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize