im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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