I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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