I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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