Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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