Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
