Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize