i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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