found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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