thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
