I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
