It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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