Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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