I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
