she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
