I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize