I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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