Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
