omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
