my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
