I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
