I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
