How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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