Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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