I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
