tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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