This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
